Headed straight for the pacific blues

I'm not even sure, like, what to blog about. I know the subject, but I don't know how to word it. I don't know...

Lately I don't know much though, so that's not new.

Anyways, I'm tired of this place. I'm tired of fighting with my mom all the time, I'm tired of being let down by my dad, I'm tired of not having anyone really there to lean on, and most of all, I'm tired of crying. Jesus.

It'll be soon enough that I'm getting a car, though. Then when stuff happens like this, I can just climb in and leave. Clear my head for awhile. I love just aimlessly driving around, so it'll be very soothing. I'll turn up some music (preferably the reign of kindo ;)) and just leave everything at home. Of course, it'll be there when I get back, but it'll be nice to get away for awhile.

Someday she'll get it, though. And that day I finally won't have to leave every time I'm upset. I won't be inclined to make that decision. I won't be forced to stay out of her welfare more so than my liking. I won't be frustrated and hateful towards her. I won't feel the need to yell and shake with anger at her words, anymore.

I've tried everything, and I'll continue to try for these next 7 months. I'll hide the screws, I'll dump the bottles, I'll catch her in the act, and I'll put my heart on my sleeve to show her what I'm feeling. Basically all that I've done for the past 5 years, I'll continue doing. Maybe I'll just ignore her, too.

I wonder what she's going to do when I leave. She knows right now I'm not living with my dad because of her. She knows I feel like I have to take care of her. What does she do about it though? Nothing. She wants me to be the parent. She wants to be taken care of. I don't find it fair, but I guess life isn't fair, right?

But when I leave for college, what's she going to do? She knows I'm not going to live with her. She knows I'm trying to go out of state, too. Rice, sure it's close, but does she really think I have a chance? And how about Northwestern. They'd laugh in my face if I tried to apply. I'm not staying close to home, or anywhere else that's remotely like home. I'm going somewhere far, and northwestern.

Anyways, I'm done talking about this. It felt good to get that out to someone (or rather someTHING) else other than my dad. I'm glad you, blogspot, cannot tell me some stupid story or remark about her. I'm glad you can't tell me everything negative about her. I already know, anyways.

Stupid bitter, divorced, parents. You always have something bad to say about the other.

Anyways, goodnight. I'm tired. I get to sleep in an hour tomorrow. Hoorah for finally getting my braces off. It's taken long enough.

PS. All this blog was was complain, complain complain. I'm really sorry haha.