decisions

i think saying this might get my worries off my chest. maybe i'll feel better about things, maybe i won't. i'm just tired of this constant worry, because it's killing my excitement.

i really don't like making people mad. i don't like letting them down. i don't like going against their wishes. i feel like going against your word is going to make me be punished. i feel like you told me to do it for a reason. i feel like in ignoring this concern, i'm going to pay. i know i'm not though. because i know God wouldn't do that to me. i know he's looking out for me all of the time, and that he has the best planned for me.

you're worried, and we all know. i'm worried too. so is the rest of the family. but you've got to let it go. you've got to put some faith in me, and the people i call my best friends. you don't know me well enough to know how untrusting i am. how much it takes for me to even call somebody my best friend. this girl has helped me through high and low. she's one person i'll never regret to call my best friend, and just because i met her over the internet doesn't mean i don't know her. it doesn't mean she's a bad person. it doesn't mean her parents are bad people.

i heard your concern, but just because you're concerned doesn't mean i shouldn't be able to live life to the fullest. i have to experience life, not sit at my computer and dream about what i wish i could do someday. i have to take chances. at least i'm taking smart chances, not mindless idiotic ones. i've had countless oppurtunities to get into trouble like my numerous friends have. it's high school, for christ's sake. half of the school engages in pot, alcohol, and sex. i've stayed away from all of it.

just trust me. trust my judgement. trust people, for once, because if you don't, you definitely won't be too happy with me for the rest of my life, i guess. just like you weren't with my mom or aunt.