i've got more!

i'm so bad at keeping friends. i'm bad at being a friend, in general. damnit.

it's always happened. i make these friends online, and it's cool for awhile, but then the friendship just kind of dwindles. i don't talk to half of the people i used to. most of that's good, but sometimes i wonder.

i thought this friendship was different though. the first year passed, and i was stoked. the second year flew by, and now here we are, nearing our third year, i think. i have this gut feeling we're not going to make it. sometimes i feel like she's trying hard than i am, and that hurts. i then tell myself that i'll try harder, but then i feel the tables turn. i'm so confused by everything. at least i'm still there the few times she needs me.

i know she's found someone else, closer now, and i'm happy for her. he's a cool guy. i had the luck to meet him when i was visiting. at least i know i'm not being replaced by some stranger. i think the best part about it though, is that he's local. i never liked the fact that i had a close best friend, but yours was thousands of miles away.

god, she were such a great friend though, while it lasted. i can't convey how much fun i had staying up until 3, just goofing off. i'm not near ready to let go, but she's growing up and, well, i'm not. i'm still the same person i was two years ago, when we met because i liked her fanfiction. she's a college student now, and she's grown up considerably. maybe i'm wrong. maybe she's still the same person she was. maybe we just don't talk enough for me to still see that.

i'm depressing myself, now. i'm ready to cry. i'm not ready for this. i don't want anything to change. i would give anything to go back a year and redo things.

after awhile, i'll just be a dim memory, though. she'll rarely think of me, just like everybody else i've lost contact with.




i'm going to go be melancholy and cry now.