I stayed up all night a couple nights ago

And I'm still effected by it. I only got four hours of sleep last night, but I stayed home to catch up on my sleep.

I might go to the doctor. I know I'm not sick or anything, but I'm tired of being dizzy >:(. I'm tired of being tired too. Where did all of my energy go?



Golf tournament tomorrow. Wish me luck that I don't die.

Hey, maybe I can be el presidente.

I have a bone to pick with a certain musician. A certain musician in a certain really awful band. A certain musician who is 'best friends' with a certain 16 year old disney channel star. A certain musician who is 9 years older than his best friend.

I wouldn't have a problem if this wasn't dealing with an underaged person. I also wouldn't have a problem if all of these teen magazines weren't hoping these friends would become a couple. What the fuck guys. That's illegal on so many levels, kthanks.

Honestly, I have a couple questions for this guy. I know he'll never see this, but I'm going to list them anyways.

1) I know people are mentally mature for their age, but you are 25 and she's 16. Are you just really immature, or has she just grown up way too fast?
2) Don't you find it a little creepy that your best friend is so young? Like, don't you see any wrong in this situation?
3) Where are your morals? Haha, really.
4) Why are you an asshole to everyone else her age (IE: your fans?) but she's a different story? Is it her fame? Is it her looks? Is it her friends?
5) Don't you find it weird to think that when she was in the fifth grade or something, you were graduating college? I know I would >.<



Anyways, I'm done.

ps. This guy just posted on myspace that he's ice skating at this mall 20 minutes from me. lolololol ironic.

I feel like I'm being...

...annoying tonight. Maybe I should just go back to sleep :/.


Anyways, holla @ cho ghost town. Haha, I'm kidding that's not a ghost town (to the side...) It's just a small town's downtown. It was pretty cool. Over spring break when I went to all of those mid-eastern texas towns, they all had that kind of downtown. They were all made out of old buidlings. I kind of wish I was back there. I wish we'd stopped so I could have taken more pictures of those places, actually. They were so coool. It would have taken us forever to get any where if we had, though.

fkhlsdkhg I'm going back to sleep before I feel like I piss anyone else off. I hate feeling like this, but of course, it always happens. I didn't realize how often it does until today.

I'm sorry for having a reason to hate him.
I'm sorry for not being sympathetic for you.
I'm sorry for pissing you off by trying to save you money.
I'm sorry for...being me today.

Jesus the people at school were bitches today. At least in journalism they were. I just realized that when I was writing that last one.

Mmmph. I'm going now. Sorry for being emo, LOL.

I finally got spread the rumors,

and carnation approves.

golf...

is kicking my ass.



holy crap.

Ah, sleep

Is not on my agenda until my hair dries. I dyed it, and oh my god, it's fabulous. I'm a legit ginger now, something I've been trying to achieve for a year or two now. I'm so happy, hahaha. My roots are strawberry blonde though, but I don't even care. I just love the color so much. I'm happy.

Today I drove by AIG. I lol'ed at the building, and then decided I shouldn't be laughing. My dad and I had a conversation about them, and he kind of opened my eyes to a whole new perspective of the situation. I'm still not too happy with the bonus business, though. He told me it was promised, I told him that promise is shot to hell thanks to the economy. He told me no, it wasn't, I told him that was bullshit, and that it should be. Maybe that's not the exact words I said, but it was pretty close, hahaha. That's how I felt, at least.

Sandi and I got along really well today. It made me appreciate her again. For awhile she was a little cranky, but I don't know...she's been so friendly this weekend. Maybe it's the fact that my dad isn't balancing our lives on a rope string now. Thanks Dodge, for doing well in this current economic crisis. I'm pretty sure my whole family appreciates you. No matter the reason, I'm seeing why I approved of her in the first place. She's great, really.

I found the treasure of Ace Enders' cover of Bittersweet Symphony, earlier. I thought it was just him, but when I found out the singers for The Rocket Summer, SOCRATIC, Person L, Copeland, and RELIANT K were on it too, along with a few others, I was stokeddddd. Haha, I basically flipped out when I found out Duane (Socratic) was on it. I stood up and stared at the screen. Then I started squealing and what not. Oh, what a great treasure I have found. :)

Anyways, I'm going to bed I guess. I'm way too tired to stay up for my hair to dry. I've got to wash off my back anyways. Thanks shower for getting all of the dye off of me T___T.

Night :)

Pepsi and s'more poptarts?!

Mmmm, so good.

I'm going to blog about what's going on right now.

I'm sitting at my dad's house, eating some s'more poptarts which I thought were long gone, and drinking some pepsi that I also thought was a past memory. Today was okay. I've had much better. Something about today though, I don't know. I feel very refreshed, but then I don't. I'm not sure how I feel right now. It's like I feel great, and then I don't. I feel like I'm going somewhere, and then I don't. When I think about it, I'm really not going anywhere. I'm sitting on a computer, blogging about being optimistic/pessimistic, and eating a poptart.

I made myself a brand new shirt. It's pretty cool. I really like it, haha. Everyone asked me why I didn't just buy one, and I replied with 'Jesse said not to.' They were also asking what BR& NIZZLE meant. Hahaha.

Uhm, I don't know. Lol I'm so bored. My dad's lurking behind me right now. He's pretty stinky. He needs a shower before he cooks dinner. I kind of want chinese, but I think I'm having these little chicken things :>. They both sound good. He's laughing, and I don't know why. I think it's at my BR& NIZZLE thing. Oh, yeah, that was it. :)

He just told me to stop thinking and I'll enjoy life.






Maybe I'll just do that.

b-r-a-n-d, b-r-a-n-d, b-r-a-n-d spells brand

n-e-w, n-e-w; brand new from long island!

that's to the tune of that black song.
I was singing it today to myself, and I was also listening to brand new, so I wanted to make a song about them.

I came up with that.

All along the eastern shore, put your circuits in the sea

HEEEEELLOOOOO!
I don't know what to blog about.

I killed my reign of kindo kick. My dad played Jack's Mannequin in the car Friday night, and finally on Saturday I decided I needed to listen to something else. I listened to Socratic for awhile, and then I decided to put it on shuffle. I finally ended up going to sleep listening to Shudder by Bayside. This morning (er, yesterday morning?) I changed it to my new MGMT cd. I've been listening to that all day. I'm contemplating now whether or not I wanted to listen to 2*sweet. I'm leaning towards yes, I do, but I still want to listen to MGMT. My head is confused.

Uhmmm, I messaged emily (driskill) today over myspace, haha. It was weird. I told her about my new camera, new focusing screen, and then asked her if it was weird when people gushed over jesse to her. She gave me an amusing message back. She's so talkative! I guess I am too though, when it's over the internet. She just kind of talks alot all of the time. That's definitely a good thing when it comes to talking to me XD.

Anyways, I've basically drank 6 pepsis in the matter of one day. I have a problem, huh? Ugh, I'm thinking about drinking another one, but I know I shouldn't. I have to keep in this stupid positioner anyways. I really shouldn't take it out anymore, seeing I didn't wear it at all from thursday through saturday.

I'm extremely tired, and tomorrow's school. I'm going to wake up early this morning, I guess, and get my biology homework done. I'm going to do my world geo homework during school, because it's seriously WAY too much for me to do tonight. I'd be up all night if I tried. Who the fuck gives out 7 chapters of chapter notes for spring break, anyway?!

Uhm, I'm going to go to bed now, I think. I'm not looking forward to tomorrow, but there's no avoiding it. I seriously wish there was. Maybe I'll just fast foward my way through high school, hahaha. That sounds great!

Lol my mom just woke up and asked me why I'm still up. I never have an answer to that question. I guess because I didn't want to go to sleep? I'm not sure. Normally I just make that I don't know noise. Niiiight.




PS! If anyone can get me a Nic Newsham I will be forever thankful, hahaha :D

PSS! Justin Pence will work too, if you can't score a Nic.

It seems all that I love, has been left far behind

I'm reaaaaaaaally tired right now, so I'm just going to sum up everything that's happened.

Saturday - I packed up my belongings and left with my grandma for Bremond, TX. (Population: 876)

Sunday - We headed out to Temple. (Population: 5,000 something. Still nothing compared to good ole Houston)

Monday - Here we come Waco! We went to the Dr. Pepper museum, by the way. I got a new 'I'm a Pepper!' shirt, finally.

Tuesday - Dallas/Plano. The most boring places ever. They did have pretty highways though.

Wednesday - Back home! But instead I went to Holly's.

Thursday - Holly and I painted her room! The time that the first coat was being done we were pretty pissed off and tired, but once the second coat came around, we had a much better time.

Friday - We (including Emily!) saw Nevershoutnever, THE HONORARY TITLE :DDDDD, The Scene Aesthetic, and The...Brighter Lights? I don't know. Jarrod Gorbel made me really nervous. I've been really good about talking to people in bands lately, but I just kind of shook the whole time. I got a picture with him though :D, along with Eric from The Scene Aesthetic ! :)



So now it's saturday (YEAAAAH) and I'm going to bed. I'm so exhausted, and I really just can't wait to sleep in my own bed.

I wanted to make s many song referenced with that song.
1) It's saturday, YEAAAAH, and I just fell in loveee.
2) and I just can't WAIT to be kiiiiing!

Ugh, sleep, now.
Goodnight




PS! I'm still listening to The Reign of Kindo

Headed straight for the pacific blues

I'm not even sure, like, what to blog about. I know the subject, but I don't know how to word it. I don't know...

Lately I don't know much though, so that's not new.

Anyways, I'm tired of this place. I'm tired of fighting with my mom all the time, I'm tired of being let down by my dad, I'm tired of not having anyone really there to lean on, and most of all, I'm tired of crying. Jesus.

It'll be soon enough that I'm getting a car, though. Then when stuff happens like this, I can just climb in and leave. Clear my head for awhile. I love just aimlessly driving around, so it'll be very soothing. I'll turn up some music (preferably the reign of kindo ;)) and just leave everything at home. Of course, it'll be there when I get back, but it'll be nice to get away for awhile.

Someday she'll get it, though. And that day I finally won't have to leave every time I'm upset. I won't be inclined to make that decision. I won't be forced to stay out of her welfare more so than my liking. I won't be frustrated and hateful towards her. I won't feel the need to yell and shake with anger at her words, anymore.

I've tried everything, and I'll continue to try for these next 7 months. I'll hide the screws, I'll dump the bottles, I'll catch her in the act, and I'll put my heart on my sleeve to show her what I'm feeling. Basically all that I've done for the past 5 years, I'll continue doing. Maybe I'll just ignore her, too.

I wonder what she's going to do when I leave. She knows right now I'm not living with my dad because of her. She knows I feel like I have to take care of her. What does she do about it though? Nothing. She wants me to be the parent. She wants to be taken care of. I don't find it fair, but I guess life isn't fair, right?

But when I leave for college, what's she going to do? She knows I'm not going to live with her. She knows I'm trying to go out of state, too. Rice, sure it's close, but does she really think I have a chance? And how about Northwestern. They'd laugh in my face if I tried to apply. I'm not staying close to home, or anywhere else that's remotely like home. I'm going somewhere far, and northwestern.

Anyways, I'm done talking about this. It felt good to get that out to someone (or rather someTHING) else other than my dad. I'm glad you, blogspot, cannot tell me some stupid story or remark about her. I'm glad you can't tell me everything negative about her. I already know, anyways.

Stupid bitter, divorced, parents. You always have something bad to say about the other.

Anyways, goodnight. I'm tired. I get to sleep in an hour tomorrow. Hoorah for finally getting my braces off. It's taken long enough.

PS. All this blog was was complain, complain complain. I'm really sorry haha.