Ow, I just scratched my eyelid.

I have nothing to blog about, really. I just saw I hadn't blogged since Tuesday, and figured I'd do something with my time.

My sleeping's been really off lately. I'm not sure why, but I'm going into summer mode, now. I was hoping I wouldn't, though. It is nice waking up and realizing I only have a couple of hours to entertain myself before my mom comes back, though. It makes life not as...boring.

It's really hot lately. Obviously it's summer, but I guess it's been hotter than normal ? Last time I checked, if it was summer in Houston, we're almost guaranteed 100+ degrees, but I guess the forcasters say different. Apparently it's been like 10 degrees higher than normal? I don't know. I know it's hot, and that's about it. I've only been outside a handful of times, hahaha.

My dad got back safely from Atlanta. He failed in his mission to find Manchester Orchestra, though. I'm pretty ashamed in him. :'(

The Graduate's filling my musical needs right now. I've been fairly picky, lately. Maybe just because I know there's an amazing Act III out and I STILL DON'T HAVE IT !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Ugh. I need it. Now.

Kay, well I'm going now. I'm drinking this drink that's suppose to like...energize you, but I'm feeling overly exhausted right now, hahaha. This drink fails.

Baiiiii :)

So, it's about five hours later

aaaaand I have a new reply. This guy doesn't cease to amazing me. I don't even care (note to self: yes I do) that I was woken up by my LOUD phone that was notifying me I had a new email. I don't even care (note to self: YES. I DO.) that I'm not able to get to sleep anymore, because of it.

I'm thuroughly surprised he replied, obv. I told you in the last blog I would be. Haha idk, idk. I'm so tired. I don't know what I'm saying anymore. I can't sleep thoughhhh. Ahhhhh. Delirious bloggingggg. I can't typeeee. Or spelllll.

Please forgive my spelling, by the way. I'm too out of it to really take time on it, lol.

Anyways, I'm going to hop back in bed. Or go bother my dogs who keep whining. Either way, baaaai.

So, I got my reply

and I couldn't be happier with it. (check blog a couple lower about the email I sent to Asa :))

Basically all I did was ask why TJV broke up, blahblahblah.

Basically all he told me was the total history of TJV, hahaha. No, but seriously, he's so nice. He told me everything about why they broke up, and didn't hide the fact that some of it was his fault. I find it really amazing that he's laying low about the whole thing, and letting certain people blame everything on him. I felt really bad for even thinking for a minute that it was all his fault. >.< I should have know better.

Anyways, he seemed pretty enlightened that someone was actually asking for his POV. I guess he doesn't get that a lot ? In which case, people are stupid for not wanting to know. It's not like they're going to be scolded if they ask, and it sure did make me feel better about the whole thing. Kind of... haha It was actually kind of depressing.

Uhm, I'm really happy for him that he got sober. I'm really happy for the other dudes who're doing okay, I guess. I'm really happy that he was so cool about it. Most of all, I'm really happy he just replied, hahahaha. I honestly thought he wouldn't.

Anyways, I emailed him back asking a couple more questions. Nothing that requires a super long answer or anything, just simple questions. I have a theory though, that once a musician has replied to a message, email, comment, ect, once, they won't do it again. I'm pretty sure it's against the rules of being a musician. Hahaha. In simple words, I don't expect another reply.

So yeah, that's my post. I'm happy. :) Haha BAI.

I don't get it

I just really don't. How is she so much better than me? Because she likes SOME of your music? Because she'll lie and say she likes your silly little comics? Because she doesn't have an opinion other than the things every other high school emo girl does?

At least I have a fucking personality. At least I was comfortable enough with you to tell you what I really thought. At least I was your friend, even if we didn't like EXACTLY the same things.

I'm so stupid. I don't know why I even tried.





Guys are such dicks.

When the bombs go off you'll know right where you are

Uhm, I don't have much to say.

Laura and I are sparing each other for going crazy during the summer. We're kind of going crazy...together, though. Not exactly not going crazy. Hahahaha.

She just showed me some amazing hat hair. Hahahaha stupid fedora. I wore mine yesterday so we could match. :)

I really don't know what to say. Like...I really, really don't know.

I guess I'll just stop now.




Oh, haha I emailed Asa asking for his POV about the TJV break up. We'll see if he replies. Probably not, but we'll see. I've been really curious lately. Especially after studying Andy while I asked him questions about them. :X

Anyways, I'm going to go now. Baaai.

Take me to the river, and let me see again

Oh my God, let me see again.



So, tonight was good. Mom didn't have a drop of alcohol, and I'm almost surprised. I'm sure this was her first night in a long night, not to. I'm glad she didn't.

Grandma had both of us on egg shells, though. She kept mentioning alcohol, and I could feel the tension that we both felt when she did. I wish she wouldn't bring it up.

I'm anxious for my dad to come back. I kind of want to get my pictures developed, even though I'm completely terrified as to how they'll come out. It's my first time using this camera, and I hope I did it well.

I'm still stuck on Manchester Orchestra. They're so amazing. I don't even know how to explain how amazing they are. I was watching some videos of them earlier, live, and it made me wish I wasn't so stupid. They came here like maybe three weeks ago, and I missed it because I didn't like them. :'( At least I saw them with Say Anything. Too bad I remember NOTHING about their set. T___T.

Speaking of sets, I just wanted to take time to tell everyone how AMAZING The Dear Hunter's set was. Scratch that, I wanted to remind everyone how AMAZING their performance of The Oracles of Delphi was. Holy mother of God. I was like...no. Haha, no. I can't even explain how amazing it was! I couldn't exactly see how many people, or who exactly, got on stage, but they did an amazing job. And Andy... Maybe it's just because I worship him and everything he does, but he was fucking amazing. Just... wow.

HIS VOICE IS SO DKLFHLSDHF. I wish he'd go solo. I wish he'd sing himself on ONE SONG. That's all I need. I would be happy forever. Actually, I'd probably go crazy. I'd probably go mentally insane from being so obsessed. I'm completely kidding, though.

I'm going to go pass out now. I'm exhausted, even though I've only been up for 10 hours. Lazy days are the best. They give me time to recooperate from eventful and nerve wracking nights. :)

The Dear Hunter

Jeeesuuuus christ. I had the best night I have in a long time. I need to go to more shows like that. I loved every single band, which I haven't really done in a looong time haha.

Let the records show that Andy Wildrick is the nicest man alive. If I were still in that whole teeny phase, I would say I was going to marry him. (let's pretend that blog about nic doesn't exsist when I say that statement ;))

I think next time I go see mewithoutYou I should go with a bunch of stoned kids so I'm not seen as weird, I'm just seen as high. (I guess it'll just be me and them who know I'm not) I <3 my hippie dancing, though. Hahahaha




Anyways, I'm going to bed. I'm glad tonight was so successful. I was really worried it wouldn't be. :)

I'll remember you

I'm so caught up in things to really realize just how many people I know suffer with alcoholism.




I know it's a common thing, but seeing my friends like that really puts me down. You'll do something with your life if you want. You'll be remembered forever, because everyone is. Everyone has a part in the history books, just some bigger than others. Maybe your struggle right now will help your kids, grandkids, relatives get through what you're trying so hard to do right now. Maybe they'll pass it on through generations.

I know I blog a lot about my mom's problem, but I guess I just kind of wanted to take the time to show that I don't just care about her predicament. I guess I just don't see this side of my friends enough to realize how things are going. I hear about them, sure, but I don't see them.

I sincerely hope they make it through this. I hope they don't end up as bad as my mom, or my grandfather, or the people you see on TV. I hope they can find the strength in themselves to stop. I hope they know I'm going to love them though, even if they can't break it. I'll support them through anything they do, as long as they try.

I love my friends. I really, really do.

I've got friends in all the right places

I wish you were more accesible.
I wish I was more helpful.
I wish we weren't strangers.
I wish our relationship hadn't deteriorated.

I wish you were more responsible.
I wish I was more understanding.
I wish we work things out.
I wish our morals were the same.

I wish you took action of what you needed to do.
I wish I didn't have to tip toe around the subject.
I wish we could get along.
I wish our conversations weren't empty.

I wish you weren't an alcoholic.
I wish I was perfect, like you want.
I wish we were mother and daughter.
I wish our family was a family.




I guess I can't have everything though, right ?

You gotta shake it out, shake it out

I was lying in bed, reading through my tweets when I thought of something. Actually, I heard someone snoring. It reminded me of the subject though.

Who the fuck keeps drinking after they've been told they've a got weak liver and kidneys. Who the FUCK keeps doing that. Really. Someone who obviously wants to die.

I'm just so...god. I'm just so fucking fed up with you. You're fucking digging yourself into a hole. You look like shit. Yeah, you're losing weight because you're fucking deteriorating. GOD. Can't you see that? Who the hell cares if you're losing weight, anyways. Apparently guys only like you for one reason. That one reason you always tell me guys like ugly girls for. The one reason guys only talk or go out with girls for. Well guess what, you're not any better than any of the girls I come home complaining about.

God damnit. What kind of mother are you, anyways? Aren't you suppose to be worrying about what your daughter's doing alone at home on a friday night instead of drinking yourself to sleep and flirting with any guy who looks at you? Can't you muster up enough emotion for someone OTHER than yourself to care about anything BUT my grades? That might as well be the one motherly thing you still do. Of course, it's the thing I most hate.

I'm so tired of this. I'm so DONE with this. I finally fucking got to the route of all your so-called "friends". I finally got to the route of your inability to look some what healthy lately. I finally got to the route of why I can't talk to you anymore. You're damn right when you say I don't act like I love you. How the hell am I suppose to, anyways? I don't know you, you don't know me.

So, fuck you. You're doing this all to yourself. If you die of liver or kidney failure, I fucking warned you. I fucking warned you every day for 5 years. So you just keep taking your pills, you just keep drinking your $5 wine. You're only hurting the ones you love more and more. I hope you realize that someday. I fucking hope you realize that.





ps. sorry about all of the unkind words. I'm just not a very happy camper right now. T___T

I tried to be the one you needed

Let's all close our eyes when reality rears it's ugly face, and pretend we're still living in a beautiful world ! Let's pretend there's no problems in the world, and go spend the endless supply of money we have ! Let's go skip school, because hell, we don't need school ! Let's go make careers in paths that make no money what so ever, and have it support us and a family of three ! Let's go drink ourselves into oblivion every night because it's fun and it makes all of our mediocre problems go away !

C'mon, it'll be fun ! We can live life the way we think it's "suppose" to be lived, not how it's going to be lived !

Call 911, I'm already dead, but someone should be caught and held responsible

for this bloody mess.

Today Rice Owl and Carnation had a little arguement.

It started when the Rice owl found Carnation chillin' in his shirt.He confronted Carnation about it, reminding him how much he disliked when people borrowed his things without asking. Carnation then told the Rice Owl that he enjoyed wearing the shirt, and didn't intend to give it back. The Rice Owl didn't appreciate this very much.

The Rice Owl jumped on Carnation, and wrestled him to the death for his shirt!

The Rice Owl won, and happily got his shirt back on.

He wants me to remind everyone of one little thing. Don't mess with the Rice Owl.

I only have one thing to say.

I've decided I'm going to marry Nic Newsham.






Yeppp.
hahahahahaha

I hope things don't change.

I hope I don't get pushed to the side like I have been with everyone else. I'm probably just over reacting though. You're better than that; you're better than them. At least I think you are.

I haven't posted a blog in awhile,

maybe because life hasn't really been going awfully. It's actually been going pretty great. I'm fairly happy right now.










Actually, I'm ecstatic right now. I finally got what I wanted. Maybe it took 6 months, but I fucking got it, and I'm so happy.

:) I hope you guys are doing as well as me !