school

i hate school. i never realized it, but i really do.

or maybe i just never realized how great my schedule was last year. i liked all of my teachers, all of the kids in my classes, and lunch was really fun once i found my place.

this year i really dislike a couple of my teachers, i don't even know half of the kids in my class, and well, at least i have a group of friends at lunch already.

still, it's not looking good.

oh well. no one said school was supposed to be fun.

DEAR WORLD

my birthday's coming up! oh how cool molly! when is it? how old will you even be? well good sir, it is september 29th, and i will be the big one six. it's kind of a big deal, right?

so to celebrate this special occasion, i wanted to take the time to make a list of things i want. normally i don't do this, so that's why this is special.

item one: http://www.blurb.com/bookstore/detail/527280

item two: http://www.blurb.com/bookstore/detail/814665

thank you for your time, friends.

are you my mother?

uhm, i don't know what to say. i mean, i do, but i don't know how to do it without sounding...i don't know.

let's see. my mom's fallen off the face of the earth. i'm not really sure WHAT she's into anymore, but i don't really care. i just kind of told her i was done, and it's easy to stay that way. it's a lot easier to avoid her when i don't want to catch her in the act.

anyways, this morning i was wondering, how is she going to go to school if she's still doing this whole pill poppin 24/7 thing. i hadn't even been sure if she'd like...been going to work on stuff, or been doing it on her way home. either way, it wasn't good.

uhm, but anyways. she had some big talk with her mom i guess, that straightened her up. not sure what it was, but yeah. anyways, she came home totally sober today, and stayed that way all day. pretty cool stuff. hopefully it stays this way.

kay, well. i'm ending this. i'm going to go watch ryan on the modcam thingy now. wooo envy on the coast, haha.

WITH THAT SAID

i am more excited than i have ever been for this trip. this is going to be a huge event in my very eventful summer, and probably the best gift i'll ever recieve.

along with that, i also get to see one of my favorite bands, and basically the reason i'm going up there in the first place. i can't believe this is happening. i really can't. i'm so excited, thankful, scared, worried, and impatient that it's messing with me to the extreme. but it's okay, because i'm just so ready for this to happen. i'm so ready to be up there with my best friend. and i'm soooo ready to show that i can be responsible and trusted.

decisions

i think saying this might get my worries off my chest. maybe i'll feel better about things, maybe i won't. i'm just tired of this constant worry, because it's killing my excitement.

i really don't like making people mad. i don't like letting them down. i don't like going against their wishes. i feel like going against your word is going to make me be punished. i feel like you told me to do it for a reason. i feel like in ignoring this concern, i'm going to pay. i know i'm not though. because i know God wouldn't do that to me. i know he's looking out for me all of the time, and that he has the best planned for me.

you're worried, and we all know. i'm worried too. so is the rest of the family. but you've got to let it go. you've got to put some faith in me, and the people i call my best friends. you don't know me well enough to know how untrusting i am. how much it takes for me to even call somebody my best friend. this girl has helped me through high and low. she's one person i'll never regret to call my best friend, and just because i met her over the internet doesn't mean i don't know her. it doesn't mean she's a bad person. it doesn't mean her parents are bad people.

i heard your concern, but just because you're concerned doesn't mean i shouldn't be able to live life to the fullest. i have to experience life, not sit at my computer and dream about what i wish i could do someday. i have to take chances. at least i'm taking smart chances, not mindless idiotic ones. i've had countless oppurtunities to get into trouble like my numerous friends have. it's high school, for christ's sake. half of the school engages in pot, alcohol, and sex. i've stayed away from all of it.

just trust me. trust my judgement. trust people, for once, because if you don't, you definitely won't be too happy with me for the rest of my life, i guess. just like you weren't with my mom or aunt.

I just want to say that

the satanic satanist, by portugal. the man, could be the best album i've ever heard...aside from anything by tjv.