Something good always comes out of the bad

which i think i sometimes forget. of course, this week, being the most stressful in a long time, is a perfect time for this to apply.

:) oh well, all is good now. i’ve got a new medium format camera coming my way in the mail (http://img.auctiva.com/imgdata/3/4/0/1/9/6/webimg/336836133_o.jpg) and i’m more than stoked. not to mention a new freakin’ lense for my contax!!!!! i’m maybe even more stoked about that, hahaha.

anyways, needless to say, things are going better right now. we’ll see how long that lasts! hopefully awhile. :)

life’s too short to sleep

sometimes i get in a weird, melancholy mood, like now. i don’t know why i’m this way. i wish i did. i hate myself like this. maybe i should stop listening to this song.

Winston walks alone
and it was yesterday he left
what used to be his home

Winston knows himself
he's ripped out all the pages
from old books on his shelf

and as the sun comes up
to steal the moon
it brings him back to you

Winston never dreams
because his eyes are never closed
life's too short to sleep

Winston once knew love
but she left him just yesterday
and he's thankful for today

and as the sun comes up
to steal the moon
he's one day further from you

or i could, you know, not.

omg. this is cool. i learned how to write blogs through windows!

i don’t even have to go to blogger.com anymore, i just click on the ‘write blog’ option on my desktop, and bam! i’m here!

 

i love dell.

why am i still hung up on you?

why won't you get out of my head? why won't everything around me stop reminding me of you? why won't your friends stop giving me death glares? why can't i move on?!

it's driving me crazy. i was better off before i met you.

and your stupid anime loving self, with your stupid epic metal, and that stupid comic you tried to make, and the stupid red hoodie you always wore, and your stupid hairstyle that never changed, and your stupid NOT ADORABLE glasses, and that stupid messanger bag, and the stupid way you thought you could sing but it only made me laugh.

if everything about you is stupid, why am i still hung up on you?

i think i thought in my mind

that you didn't actually hate me
now i see that you really don't want anything to do with me



well
cool

uuuuuuuuuuuhm

i officially believe in murphy's law. like, i think it should be renamed the law about molly and algebra II.

i took that damn final. i thought i did well too. and you know how i was talking about if i get a low grade, it's 16% of my grade? well, of course, i got a 70. GO ME. >:(


i give up.
forever.
algebra II is not for me.
neither was algebra I.

DAMNIT.

FUCK

I JUST REMEMBER THAT MY FINAL IS FUCKING 16% OF MY FINAL AVERAGE

oh god i hope i did well on it. i will cry. i WILL cry if my average drops down to a C. SO HARD.

damnit damnit damnit damnit damnit.

i've been in a really bad mood

for the past, like, four days or something. i'm not sure why, i'm probably just pmsing, but it really sucks.

there's really nothing for me to be mad, sad, or embarrassed over anyway. my friend was trying to be funny, and pointed out this grammar mistake to her followers on twitter, but it's nothing she and other folks haven't done before. hell, i do it time to time, too. it did get to me, maybe because i was already in a bad mood.

i don't know why i can't just be happy about something. today we went shopping, and i was so bipolar, lol. i was happy to be doing something for one second, and then the next i was upset because i thought my friends didn't want me there. i know better than to think that, but sometimes...i don't know.

i wish i could just hole up in my room and be by myself for awhile. sleep for like, 72 hours, and wake up and be missed. i think i just feel underappreciated. i guess that's what happens when you hang out with somebody so much, though. i know i'm appreciated, i guess i just don't hear it enough.

i guess that's why i keep saying i need new friends. not just people to talk to at school, but people who want to hang out.


or, you know, i'd like to just cheer up. i should look into smoking pot. i'm sure that would make me happier.

of course, i'm too smart for that, though.

i'm always there for people,

but are people always there for me?


ps. happy 111th post.

mpjgs;dj

i'm not very happy right now. i went to make a sign up thing for my grades, and of course i fucked it up too many times, so now i have to wait 24 hours. i just want to know my algebra grade, since i also forgot to do the stupid taks quizzes. god, go me. hopefully my other grades are okay enough to pull them up, but hell if i know. :( now i'm upset because i'm sure i'm failing. it's probably some sort of sign. or maybe i'm meant to be depressed over it because i'll get lucky, probably not, but whatever.

life's just not really fun right now. i'm sure it'll get better, but who knows, huh? this could be the start of it, for all i know.

in other news, i would love it if somebody came along with $1000 for the newspaper. we've got a really sick idea for the spread, but it won't happen if we can just scrap together $350 like normal. we'll be even more in debt, if we do that. god i hate money.

it's all whatever. i need to do something to get all of this stress off of me. maybe golfing again will help me chill out. probably not, but i need to do it anyways. my coach would kill me if he knew how long it's been since i've played. i'm probably shit, again.

kfdhdlsfhksdlgkh nothing is looking good right now. it's all so trivial, though. at least no one's dead, terminaly ill, or abusing anything. there's a positive for you.

i wish i didn't...

i don't know the word...easily like people so much. i know every girl does it, but it really, really, really gets annoying after awhile. i feel pathetic, and dumb, and just, rah. i wish i could like surpress my feelings to myself, you know? like you can hide feelings from people? i wish i could hide them from myself. that would be the life.

i'm going to be alone for the rest of my life

because i can't seem to like guys my own age. the only boys i would even consider getting to know are 21 and 22. how is it that i fail so hard at life. my school has over 3500 kids in it, and i can't even find one that i find interesting.

fail fail fail.

weee

things are back to normal. i guess blogging about my worst fear kind of make things real to me. my friend and i have been talking every day, just like old times. we'll see how things are when school's back in session, though. i hope things'll still be like they are now.



here, read some lyrics:
I need somebody to talk to
But I pushed you away
I need somebody who understands
But it doesn't look like you're coming back

My sins caught up to you
I said my sins caught up to you
I lost the best love that I've ever known
And it doesn't look like you're coming home

Even after all my mistakes
Even after all my mistakes
Even after all my mistakes
You came through

I hate, hate, hate this place
I said I hate, hate, hate this place
A brightly lit tragedy
Sterile and cold
But I can feel the warmth of your grace
Yeah, I can feel the warmth of your grace

Even after all my mistakes
Even after all my mistakes
Even after all my mistakes
You came through
Even after all my mistakes
Even after all my mistakes
Even after all my mistakes
You came through

I believe in miracles
I believe in miracles
I believe in miracles
Yeah, I believe
(I believe in miracles)
I believe
(I believe in miracles)
I believe
(I believe in miracles)

Even after all my mistakes
Even after all my mistakes
Even after all my mistakes
You came through, yeah
Even after all my mistakes
Even after all my mistakes
Even after all my mistakes
You came through

Even after all my mistakes
Even after all my mistakes
Even after all my mistakes
You were true