Just cut, copy, paste and repeat

Maybe we can hide the original


Today when I looked in the mirror, I saw someone completely different. I saw a 15 year old girl actually being a 15 year old girl. I saw into the eyes of someone who was sincere about who she was, not who exaggerated stories and acted like she was more mature than she really was. I saw a naive, pure, truthful girl, and I haven't seen her for years.

For the past, mmm, four years? Four years, I've been trying to be someone that's not me. The eye shadows were fun, and the hair dying was cool, but it's not me. The brown hair was to impress some people, the green eyeshadow was to be an 'individual', all I accomplished though was a permanent feeling of being lost. I had no real identity. I was dying my hair all different colors, I was trying new, crazy make-ups, I was saying things that I never meant, and I was ultimately losing myself.

So when I looked at myself today, I saw something I'd missed more than anything. The silly curly bangs that always covered my forehead, the little pink lips that are inproportionate, the rosey skin that's just never flawless, and most of all, the blue-green eyes that pop out from the contrast of my ivory eyelids. No red lipstick, no black eyeliner, no practically white cover-up, and no mascera. Just me, in my natural beauty, you know? It's not even that beautiful, but it's been four years since I've seen that side of me, and God only knows how much I missed it.

I felt like myself again, for that minute that I looked right back at myself through that mirror, and for that minute, I realized that no matter what I put on my face, or chemically do to my hair, I'll always be Molly. The same Molly who lied about everything as a kid, the same Molly who sat on her daddy's tummy when they watched a movie, the same Molly who read books with her grandma, and most importantly, the same Molly who invented Molly in the first place.

I'm not sure if that whole thing makes sense, but it does in my mind.